i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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