Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My ass is underappreciated
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
