listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
