...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
