Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
