You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
