She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
