I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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