i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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