That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
