dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
