Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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