where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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