I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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