fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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