Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
