I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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