hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Everyone says I win the strip club
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
