Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
