was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
