chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
