Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
