So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
