oh god the rape fog is back!
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
