Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
