I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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