why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
