I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
try to milk me bitch
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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