I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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