i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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