I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
