I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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