wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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