Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
