I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
