he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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