I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
