I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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