I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
