Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
