Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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