my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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