since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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