Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
