it was like his penis was on wheels.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
