Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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