3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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