your room smells of hookers.
And success
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
