oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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