Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
