Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
